


Looking for the End of the Beginning

by Aelia_Gioia



Category: Looking (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:33:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27446440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aelia_Gioia/pseuds/Aelia_Gioia
Summary: I know I'm in the minority but I wanted Patrick to end up with Kevin. Or at least find out if they could have worked past the Grindr thing.Here's how I would have written a make-up scene after Patrick fled the apartment.
Relationships: Kevin Matheson/Patrick Murray
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	Looking for the End of the Beginning

Patrick ducked his head as he made his way through the lobby. He wanted to avoid being seen and waylaid by any of his neighbors.

Or were they only Kevin’s neighbors now?

Fuck.

If he wasn’t going to live there and if he didn’t exactly live with Agustin anymore – did that technically make him homeless?

Being homeless was almost preferable to having to tuck his tail between his legs to move back to the apartment he’d vacated only a few hours ago. He really didn’t want to think about it.

So instead, he wandered. He’d lived in the city long enough to know exactly where he was but this wasn’t the neighborhood he was used to. Usually after a tiff with Agustin or if he couldn’t handle the volume of the sex in the next bedroom, he’d have gone on a long walk up and down the familiar streets.

Sometimes he cleared his head by window shopping, a little bit of retail therapy was good for the soul. He did the same thing back home in Colorado during his tumultuous teen years. Meghan would do or say something melodramatic to start a fight between them and rather than stay and continue the screeching match, he’d walk. It comforted him. The sights, the smells - even the unappetizing ones - made him feel centered and somehow connected to the community and therefore the world. He knew where he belonged in the grand scheme of things. 

He needed to feel that way so desperately but these streets were just not cutting it for him. It would have been different if he’d lived there for a while and had an established route mapped out in his head. He broke out into a light jog but without his earbuds it was awful, unbearable, there were so many distractions. After more endless meandering, he felt an internal rumble. He cursed his relentless appetite and his unwavering stomach-clock. As if put there on purpose as a gift from the gods just for him, a food truck came into sight when he rounded the next corner. It didn’t matter what they were selling, he was so hungry he’d eat anything. 

Joining the swift-moving line, Patrick scanned the menu and made a sizable selection for his meal. He felt like it was Christmas morning; with the building anticipation of stuffing his face, his salivary glands activated. 

His heart sank as he inched closer to the window and patted his pockets. Finding them empty, Patrick’s jaw went slack and he flashed back to taking his wallet out of his pocket and putting it in the drawer of his new nightstand. He’d left all of his furnishings at the old apartment and Kevin relinquished ownership of his bed frame and dressers to Jon in exchange for the dining room set.

They picked out brand new bedroom furniture together. Kevin paid for it, which Patrick allowed because he bought the new sofa and three-piece set of tables and matching lamps for the living room. He’d been so excited to open the little drawer to stash his wallet next to a bottle of lube and the coiled charger cable for his iPad. In the heat of the moment, he’d forgotten all about it.

So, shit. 

He knew he had to go back to the apartment sooner or later but his stomach was now mocking him for not having his wallet. He longingly thought of the fridge full of food Kevin had delivered when they finished cleaning and unpacking the boxes of dishes, pots and pans. 

“Next,” the friendly woman at the counter smiled at him, beckoning with her hand. Patrick sighed, shrugging his shoulders. He considered for one second that he should pretend not to speak English but he stepped out of line checking his watch.

Pursing his lips, he pushed his hands into the pockets of his hoodie while looking around to get his bearings. He huffed out a decisive heavy exhale from his chest and headed back to the apartment.  
His anxiety grew the closer he got to the building.

Moving in with Kevin, buying furniture together, co-mingling their finances, all of it – he'd thought it was the end of the beginning of their relationship and they were rapidly approaching the serious commitment stuff that would hopefully last for decades and Patrick didn't have to even consider going out and meeting anybody new. He hoped he wasn’t wrong. He hoped it wasn’t the beginning of the end.

His feet were throbbing by the time he was in the elevator. The fob felt foreign and weird in his hand. Quietly, he opened the front door and found the apartment in almost complete darkness except for the bedroom light shining under the door. He opened the fridge and found one of Kevin’s pre-made protein shakes. Feeling a little guilty about drinking it, he shook it in one hand and cracked the seal. The blue-tinged light from the open fridge was blinding. He closed the door and chugged the drink over the sink. Wiping his mouth on a towel, Patrick dropped the bottle into the recycle bin. 

“Patrick?” Kevin poked his head out of the bedroom looking surprised.

“Hi,” Patrick replied and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I’ve been calling and calling and texting... I thought you were dead or like - fuck - “ He rushed forward like he was going to hug him, but he stopped a few paces short.

Patrick looked at his cell phone and there were 12 missed calls and several texts.

“It’s - it’s on silent, sorry.”

“You scared the shit out of me, Patrick.” Kevin reached forward and touched the very tips of his fingers to Patrick’s cheek.

“Can we - can we sit?” Patrick gestured to the sofa.

“Yeah. Yeah, course.” Kevin rubbed the back of his neck and stepped aside so Patrick could lead the way.

Patrick was almost at the sofa when something was crunching under his sneakers.

“Shit - stop. Mind that.” Kevin said.

Patrick turned to see him rush to the closet in the hall. He flicked on the overhead light and looking down he saw that he was standing in broken blue glass. He recognized it as the cobalt and bronze colored award Kevin had shown him: a round plate-shaped wall plaque he’d received from the Seattle branch of MDG.

“Careful. ‘scuse me,” Kevin gently shooed Patrick out of the way with the end of the broom.

“What happened?” Patrick crept away from the glass and took off his sneakers. Kevin swept up the broken pieces and dropped the contents of the brand-new dustpan into the trash.

“I went a bit mad after you left.”

Patrick widened his eyes he got his first good look at Kevin since getting back. His eyes were pink and puffy, his face was red and tear-streaked. Patrick’s brows came together and he felt one of his heartstrings snap. It absolutely killed him to know Kevin had been crying. As pissed off as he was about the whole Grindr mess, and he was exceedingly pissed off, he was only human and for better or worse Kevin was his boyfriend and he loved him.

Kevin saw Patrick notice the state he was in. He sniffled and looked away wiping his right eye on his thumb. 

“C'mere. Just…come sit with me.” Patrick ran his hand back and forth over the sofa cushion next to him. Kevin leaned the broom against the wall and shuffled his feet as he walked. He sat next to Patrick, steepling his hands in front of him. 

“Kevin -"

“Patrick, please let me talk. Just for a second. I'm sorry. I love you with all my heart. I hurt you and if I’ve fucked all of this up for a fucking…a fucking app I…” he started to get choked up and buried his face in his hands. After regaining his composure, he took a deep breath. “I’m a fucking stupid arse and you deserve immeasurably better than me. But I didn’t upend my entire sodding life and torpedo my relationship with Jon to lose you right now.”  
Kevin turned to Patrick and cupped his cheek. “I know you think I'm a complete shit, and maybe I am, but the thought of not being with you – I can’t – can’t bear that.”

Patrick nodded thoughtfully and put his hand on top of Kevin’s. That paradoxically perfect crooked smile; those blue eyes, clouded over with sadness but normally brighter and clearer than Patrick’s own…he was beautiful. 

“This got…out of hand tonight,” Patrick said softly. “I love you too. Very much. You know I don’t just go throwing those words around. That’s why I can’t imagine there ever being a universe in which I’d be ok sharing you with anybody else.”

“I want it all with you, Patrick Murray,” Kevin chuckled. “Christ, if someone had told me I'd have to move all the way to America to fall in love with a nerd named Patrick fucking Murray…” he raised his eyes to look at Patrick’s face, smiling his sarcastic little smirk. “I want us to plan skiing holidays and I want your sister to stare daggers at me across the table during family dinners at your parent's place. I want to adopt a small army of dogs together. I realized how fucking selfish I sounded as soon as you left and I promised myself that if you came back – if you will let me – I’ll prove to you that I don’t need anybody but you…”

He couldn’t finish the rest of his speech because Patrick yanked him into his chest by the front of his shirt. Kevin wrapped one arm around Patrick’s neck and groaned when he felt him grasp the back of his neck. Patrick pushed his tongue between Kevin’s lips, sweeping it against his teeth. What followed were a series of short, frenzied kisses punctuated by sweet words and gasping moans.

“I love *kiss* you...I’m *kiss* so sorry *kiss*...God Patrick...”

“Kevin?” Patrick leaned away and grinned, seeing his boyfriend lean forward with his eyes closed, chasing the taste of his mouth and another kiss.

“Yeah?” He opened his eyes.

“Bedroom.”

Patrick didn’t need to say it twice. Kevin jumped off the sofa, had his t-shirt off and was halfway to the bedroom before Patrick even stood up. Patrick chuckled and unzipped his hoodie. Somehow, seeing Kevin so repentant and so desperate for it gave Patrick that centered, in-control feeling he had been longing for during his walk. Kevin was in the palm of his hand and he could either squish him like a bug or fuck him so hard into the SleepNumber mattress that he’d never even think about looking at anybody else.  
Patrick was loathe to think of himself as the kind of man who would squish anyone, let alone his boyfriend, like a bug but that power was making him feel...powerful.

Kevin was practically vibrating by the time Patrick entered the bedroom. He’d taken his pants off and was sitting on top of their brand-new comforter in just his briefs. He paused at the door and leaned against it with his arms crossed.

“Look at you, you eager little beaver,” he winked. Kevin rolled his eyes and chuckled.

“Shut the fuck up,” he hid his eyes behind his hand, laughing at himself.

“No, no it’s cute,” Patrick said, slipping his arms out of his hoodie and tossing it carelessly to the floor. He unfastened his jeans and pulled his socks off, adding them to the pile of discarded clothing. He reached behind his neck and pulled his t-shirt up over his head in one nearly fluid moment. Kevin sighed, knowing how close he’d come to losing the closest thing he'd had to a healthy relationship he'd ever had; but somehow it looked like everything was going to be ok. 

Patrick crawled up on the bed and moved one denim-clad leg between Kevin’s thighs, pushing his knee against his groin. Kevin whined at the contact. Looking at him in the office; cocky, sarcastic and confident, Patrick wouldn’t have pegged Kevin as a whiner in bed. On some level, Patrick liked to think that he’d turned him into a whiner. In spite of his newly acquired appreciation for bottoming and regardless of whatever his friends thought of him, Patrick was a power top. He took Kevin’s earlobe between his teeth and tugged.

“Take your jeans off,” Kevin hooked his thumbs into Patrick’s waistband.

“Why would I do that?” Patrick ran his tongue up Kevin’s neck and then traced up the shell of his ear.

“So I can suck you off, that's why,” Kevin replied with a hint of playful annoyance coloring his tone.  
Patrick’s mouth curled up on one side.

“No, I don't think you're going to be allowed to see my dick for a little while. He's still kind of mad at you.”  
Catching the taunting intent of Patrick’s words, Kevin’s cock twitched. He had the vaguest idea of what he might be in for gauging by previous experience of how Dom Patrick could get after an argument. 

“How d'ya want me?” Kevin’s voice was muted, he was so turned on that he could barely speak. He honestly had no idea what Patrick’s response would be, nor did he have a preference. 

Patrick took a second to consider. He lifted himself up to kneel, still straddling Kevin’s leg. He used one hand to nudge Kevin’s shoulder until he was flat on his back. Grabbing his wrists, Patrick pinned them up by his shoulders. He lay flat on top of the other man, enjoying every second of the friction their bodies created. The warmth of Kevin’s belly spread all over him. He rolled his hips and Kevin arched his neck into the pillow.

“Christ,” Patrick groaned and nudged Kevin’s cheek to turn his head. He licked his neck and took a small bite of his skin. “I don’t share well,” he informed him.

“I know. I’ve tried eating your popcorn at the cinema,” Kevin quipped with an eyebrow cocked.

Patrick snorted before kissing his boyfriend’s mouth. Kevin tried to push his tongue past Patrick’s teeth but he pulled away, rejecting it.

“Exactly – so why would you ever think -"

“I know. We’ve established that I'm an idiot.”  
Patrick reached between their bodies and roughly cupped Kevin’s balls, making him gasp. Patrick fondled him gently, watching the desire build in the Brit's eyes.

“Fuck, Patrick…” Kevin keened. He tried to wriggle out from under Patrick’s weight but couldn’t. 

“Let me hear you say you want it,” Patrick’s stare intensified, the color of his eyes darkened. “Tell me you want me inside of you.”

“I do…I do…fuck…I want you to fuck me as hard as you can.” Kevin whined greedily.

Biting, licking, and kissing his way down his boyfriend’s chest and stomach, Patrick paused to hover over the outline of his bulge straining against the tight maroon fabric. He exhaled hot air up and down Kevin’s length, watching it twitch with need. He reached both hands underneath his ass and peeled the briefs off, tossing them to the floor with everything else they'd been wearing. 

Kevin let his thighs fall open, keeping his bare feet on the mattress. Patrick resisted the urge to dive right in. Instead, he tickled his fingertips from Kevin’s knee to the crease marking where his hip met his crotch. He loved this part, the tease. He enjoyed watching Kevin’s pupils blow wide open as he toyed with the speed, pressure and the intensity of his touch. At one point, Kevin draped his arm across his mouth and actually sank his teeth into his own forearm to mute himself.

“You’re literally killing me,” he whined.

“Quit whinging,” Patrick looked up and winked, pushing his foreskin back from the head.

“Did you seriously just say ‘whinging’?” Kevin laughed until Patrick took the first four inches of his dick into his mouth and sucked hard. He clenched his toes and moaned at the ceiling. 

Patrick slid Kevin’s cock in and out of his mouth, trying not to slurp. Kevin fisted the sheets and alternated between looking down slack jawed at his beautiful, sweet, thoughtful boyfriend sucking his cock like a goddamned porn star and pressing the back of his head into his pillow.

Popping off with a gasp for air, Patrick's mouth was glistening with saliva before he wiped it off on the back of his hand. 

“Legs up,” he instructed. 

Kevin bent his knees and held his legs up. His thighs shook with anticipation, his fingertips dug into his flesh. Patrick’s stomach lurched and his cock was so hard it was starting to ache uncomfortably. 

Seeing Kevin’s winking hole exposed and waiting for him, Patrick groaned. He moved forward and circled his tongue around the rim. Kevin’s body trembled at the intimate contact. His hips lifted off the bed and he leaned into Patrick’s tongue. 

Patrick gripped Kevin’s legs firmly as he worked him over with his mouth. He felt his lover buck and writhe against him, heard his chanted, rhythmic moaning. 

“Fuck, Patrick – fuck...” Kevin panted.

Feeling conflicted, he loved taking Kevin apart piece by piece like this but he really wanted to fuck him, Patrick knelt up. He watched Kevin’s eyes pop open and he looked wild, borderline unhinged at the loss of contact.

“Condom.” Patrick held out his hand.

Kevin looked at him like he’d been speaking gibberish. Once he realized what Patrick had asked him for, he scrambled up to rip open his nightstand drawer. He felt around in the dark searching for the discreet bottle of lube and the box of condoms. He used his teeth to rip the packet open and spit the foil tab onto the floor. Patrick was grinning at him when he turned back around.

“You’re gonna put it on me?” Patrick asked with a eyebrow raised.

Kevin nodded and pulled the condom out of the wrapper. He sucked the end with the reservoir tip into his mouth and felt Patrick’s cock slide into it in his mouth. He used his hand to roll the end of it the rest of the way down.

“I love when you do that,” Patrick growled, finding the bottle of lube in the sheets.

Kevin smiled shyly at him and laid back on the pillow. Patrick slicked himself up and gently pulled Kevin’s legs apart as he got himself into position.

* * *

“Tell me one thing,” Patrick said nuzzling the tip of his nose against Kevin’s shoulder blade. Kevin was laying on his side rolling a joint, careful not to spill the loose weed on their bed.

“Hmm?” He replied looking back at him.

“Have you um...would you...” Patrick was suddenly feeling self-conscious. 

Kevin sighed and licked the rolling paper closed. He twisted the ends and closed his small stash box, stowing it under the bed. Rolling to his back, he lit the joint and passed it to Patrick.

“No, I haven’t. Nor would I,” he answered Patrick’s questions without further clarification.

In truth, Patrick knew before he asked and he believed Kevin’s word. He just hated not knowing for absolute certain and he couldn’t let another second go by without addressing it.

“Because I...I don’t want that. But I don’t want you to resent me for anything either.”

Kevin inhaled deeply and held his breath letting the smoke fill his lungs and the haze take over his aching muscles. 

“Patrick I swear to you I haven’t.”

“I know. I do. But if you ever find yourself wanting to -”

“I won’t. Look, Jon and I spent a lot of time apart and it’s no excuse but I was lonely and not terrificly happy in the relationship even when we were together. I know it makes me look a right cunt but I have no interest or desire in this moment to be with or talk to anybody but you.”

Patrick nodded. “’In this moment,’” he repeated softly before he took a hit. Kevin groaned and covered his face with both hands.

“I can’t predict the future, can you? Can you say with 100% certainty that you want to be with only me forever? Be honest.”

Patrick squirmed and handed the joint back to Kevin without making eye contact.

“Exactly. So, here’s the promise I will make to you:” Kevin sat up against the headboard and took a long, slow pull off the joint before he spoke again. “I, Kevin Matheson commit myself to you, Patrick Murray. If I ever want to be with anyone else, I will punch myself in the balls until I come to my senses.” He smirked and felt some of the weight lift off his shoulders when Patrick giggled.

“How about we just promise each other that we’ll respect each other enough, respect _us_ enough to have a conversation if things aren’t working out?” Patrick said, rolling to his stomach.

“You’re saying that if you meet some 23-year-old hardbody at the gym, you’re going to saunter on home to dump me before you fuck him?” Kevin offered. Patrick playfully rolled his eyes and elbowed his sarcastic boyfriend.

“I’m saying that if either of us feel like...this has run its course or isn’t worth fighting for...we need to love each other enough to break up before cheating is an issue.” Patrick’s expression changed. He suddenly looked pensive. The post-sex blissful sheen was gone and he looked sad, it was enough to break Kevin’s heart.

“I love you,” he said linking their hands together.

“I know you do…I just…I want more than words.” He allowed himself to smile when Kevin raised his hand to his lips and kissed his skin.

“I promise to try. I’ll do everything within my power to make this work.” 

They laid quietly side by side, naked, with fingers intertwined until the joint was burned down to the smallest roach. Kevin stubbed it out on the glass top of the jarred candle next to his lamp.

“Just so we’re perfectly clear,” Kevin said just as Patrick was starting to drift off. “If I am ever in a steam room with Chris Pratt…”

Patrick laughed, shaking his head in amused disbelief. “If it’s Chris _Evans_ -"

“Patrick if I ever get the chance to fuck Captain Bloody America, I’m going to ring you and we can double team him.”

“I’m fully amenable to your proposal,” Patrick laughed again and kissed his mouth. His heart felt lighter as he cuddled into Kevin’s chest and draped one leg over his, lightly running he bottom of his foot up and down his leg. The light hair on Kevin’s shin tickled and made him feel safe. “This is the end of the beginning.”

Kevin kissed the top of Patrick’s head and squeezed his shoulder in agreement. 


End file.
